A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
