I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
