You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Help. Why am I so naked?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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