When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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