You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
