The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
