Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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