I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
