Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
