I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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