i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
