He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize