she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
