The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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