sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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