Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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