Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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