I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's blow job season.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
