Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
