is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
