woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
