he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How does it feel to date your dad?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
