It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
