I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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