my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize