Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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