Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
