Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
