Best friends brother. Beat that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
