Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
