My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
