We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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