Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
