Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
