I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
