I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
