Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
