Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
