maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
