Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
