he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
