That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
