I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize