i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
