Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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