she woke up with a sticky ear
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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