So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize