so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
