If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
