You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize