Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
