Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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