threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dignity is for republicans.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize