I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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