The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
