I am spending my child support on dildos
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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