ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i came on her dog
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need to calm my uterus...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
