I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
