I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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