Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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