Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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