I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just high enough for therapy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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