Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize