he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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