If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
