thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am mentally ready for anal.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
