it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
