Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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