omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
